Lozer Cats

Okay, new section on blog: LOZER CATS!!! (Kudos to www.icanhazcheeseburger.com)
LOZER! Cats 1:

Losers of Real Life

A new/old segment of this blog will feature a real loser. Like we interviewed Jinx, now we are going to interview somebody that I know as Natalie Portman, one wild chick.

Fugly Betsy Explained...

Spread the word for Loser!!! Thanks for reading, and please, I love to read your e-mails!!!

Laura Nexium
Editor of Loser!

How To Be A Loser, Part 6

Woah... we're at Part 6 already?
1. Look at everyone as if they were your frenemies. You don't even need to know what that means. Be creative and interpret the meaning.
2. Call your kitty your "BFF."
3. Call your doggy your "frenemy."
4. Audition for the lead in the new comedy Fugly Betsy (explained later.)
5. Go shopping a lot. Say its to save the economy.
6. Watch an Indiana Jones movie and say there is treasure under the floorboards of your house.
7. Love yourself.
8. Don't love yourself.
9. Say that the aliens are coming.
10. Yell at someone random on the street.
If you have a comment, post it.

Yet Another Loser Vid...

Hey! Cannot believe it is JULY already. Will update more since I have more time at my hands (even though I have a novel just waiting to be written... well, it can wait some more:)


Yes... it's Laser Catz... LOLz. Thanks to all the fans for commenting and posting tho!!! :) I did check ur blogs out.
Yours loserly,
Laura Nexium
Editor of Loser!

Loser Songs

Welcome to a brand new Label for LOSER! (I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long time...)
Welcome to Loser Songs, and the first song will be White and Nerdy, by Weird Al Yankovic

Lyrics:
They see me mowin'
My front lawn
I know they're all thinking
I'm so White N' nerdy

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!
I wanna roll with-
The gangsters
But so far they all think
I'm too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Really, really white n' nerdy

First in my class here at M.I.T.
Got skills, I'm a Champion of DND
MC Escher that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40
I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin to the contrary
You'll find they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Steven Hawkings in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
I got people begging for my top 8 spaces
Yo I know Pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days
Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed,
my fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well, I'm number 1
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat but I gotta soldering gun
Happy days is my favourite theme song
I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in Java Script as well as Klingon
Here's the part I sing on

They see me roll on, my Segway!
I know in my heart they think I'm
white n' nerdy!
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy
I'd like to roll with-
The gangsters
Although it's apparent I'm too
White n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
How'd I get so white n' nerdy?

I've been browsing, inspectin'
X-men comics you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket
I must protect 'em
my ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doing websites
When my friends need some code who do they call?
I do HTML for them all
Even made a homepage for my dog!
Yo! Got myself a fanny pack
they were having a sale down at the GAP
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
POP POP! Hope no one sees me gettin' freaky!

I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour creme
I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team!
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?
I spend every weekend
at the renaissance fair
I got my name on my under wear!

They see me strollin'
They laughin'
And rollin' their eyes 'cause
I'm so white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
All because I'm white n' nerdy
Holy cow I'm white n' nerdy
I wanna bowl with-
the gangsters
but oh well it's obvious I'm
white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!

Guide To be A Loser Example

Now, we haven't really explained how to be a loser. I mean, we've told you what to do, but what about how to do it? See, we're smart. *points to head and grins*
Here's a sampler from Guide To Be A Loser 5, Item Number 8.
Here, we have 3 characters: Mom, Dad, and Jinx, who's kindly volunteered.

Mom: What's that?
Jinx: I'm going to Sarah's House *winks eye*
Dad: Who's Sarah?
Jinx: She's, uh, an aunt.
Dad: She's a what?
Jinx: An aunt.
*Mom gaves Jinx a strange look*
Mom: What are you going to be doing there?
Jinx: We're going to trade clothing.
Dad: And??
Jinx: Then we're going to this guy's party.
Dad: And??
Jinx: Then nothing, dad.
Dad: And??
Mom: Stop it dad. That's really annoying.
*Dad turns on the TV*
Mom: Okay Jinx, you take care.. Dad, can you turn off the TV?
*Dad turns the volume higher*
Mom: (crying) Why do you have to be so mean, Dad?
*Mom and Dad both leave, and Jinx exits, proud*

Okay, yeah. We got a bit carried away. But here's a demo of List 5, Item 1:

Characters: Teacher, Jinx, and Kids.
Teacher: Today we will be focusing on the Human Immune Systems. Who can tell me where the macrophages are produced?
Jinx: PHOTOSYNTHESIS.
*Kids laugh, a few give an evil stare. Jinx smiles*
~5 Milleniums Later~
Teacher: ... That is how the body responds to a foreign pathogen. Who has any questions?
*Jinx raises hand. Teacher calls on Jinx*
Jinx: Is it true that 10% of your DNA comes from viruses?
Teacher: Yes. Yes, Jinx, yes! YESSS!!!
*Kids give teacher a weird stare*
*Bell rings, and kids leave*

See. Wasn't so hard.

How to be a Loser, Part 5

1. Raise your hand in science class and say "PHOTOSYNTHESIS." Then behave perfectly well throughout the whole class. '
2. Call your crush "sweetie" and your egg "our baby"
3. Watch the movie Drillbit Taylor. Go out naked and have a bath in your lawn, and pretend it's no big deal.
4. Buy baby shoes. Put them on your doll.
5. Go to Baby Gap and shop for clothes for your own house.
6. Run and yell "Freedom for Tibby!"
7. Say that today is a Dress-As-A-Faerie day. Be the only one who doesn't dress as one.
8. Lie to your mom and dad. Make it obvious.
9. Pretend you're going to steal something big. Then, tell them that you were just looking around.
10. Do something really bad. Blame it on Elmo.

Losers Identity...

Who am I? Well, guess what, you'll never know. I could be that really cute girl across from your block, your girlfriend, your daughter, your son, your aunt, your best friend. I could be talking to you right now and then typing this on my BlackBerry (if I have one.) I could be a 16-year-old or a 26-year-old. I could be a 70-year-old.

You'll never know. :)

Guess what? That is the best part.

Yet Another Loser Video; People...Eating; SNL...

This has to be one of my favorites. I know, you guys don't exactly appreciate all these videos that we're throwing at you, but trust me, this is worth it (even the annoying commercial at the beginning!)



Andy Samberg is my favorite LOSER/comedian! Love him!

Loser Movies...

If you would like to watch a loser movie, go watcyh Drillbit Taylor, in theatres right now. The movie is about 2 losers who hire a bodyguard to help them from bullies.
Trailer:

LOSER on TV: Iran So Far Away; SNL

LOL... Andy Samberg is in love with the President of Iran!

How To Be A Loser, Part 4

1. Watch Seaseme Streey. Pretend you're in love with the show.
2. Read Danielle Stele.
3. Fall in love with a Presidential Candidate.
4. Call al guys who wear red "macho".
5. While playing football, secretly work for the other team. Pretend that they put you as a "mole."
6. Start a blog about yourself. Never update it.
7. Send an e-mail to your grandmother talking about politics.
8. Send an e-mail to your crush saying that she looked very purtey today. Say that you two were meant to be together according to the stars.
9. Watch Meet the Spartans. Then, dress up as Paris Hilton and say "THAT'S HOT!!"
10. RSS feed this blog.

Loser Quiz Results...

If you chose all A, YOU ARE A LOSER! RSS FEED THIS BLOG RIGHT NOW, DUDE!!
If you chose all B, then you are close to being a loser. Keep reaching for the stars, kid!
If you chose all C, then you are a normal person. DIE!!
If you chose all D, then we have no clue who you are, probably an alien, so please go back to your home planet before you destroy and wreck mankind.

Interview With A Loser...

For today's post, we will interview a loser, who we'll call Jinx...
LOSER: Hi J, how are you?
Jinx: Weiner!
LOSER: Are you a loser?
Jinx: Most definitely.
LOSER: What is your favorite color?
Jinx: Purtey colors.
LOSER: Where are you from?
JInx: Loserville, AKA LALA Land
LOSER: Do you like it there?
Jinx: Doi! Heck yeah, man...
LOSER: Don't call me a man. You're a man.
Jinx: I'm a female. PREDATOR!!!
LOSER: Do you want to do this or not?
Jinx: OH MY GOSH, LIKE, ARE YOU JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE?
LOSER: No, I mean, yeah...
Jinx: I want to take you home, JT!
LOSER: ICE CREAM!!!!
Jinx: Santa Claus is coming to town...

So, that was an interview with the loser JINX! See you later (I promise to post about the quiz results!) :)

Losers all over part 2

yeah so like i was in sum class....rite so like their was sum weird kid sitting next to me....idk the kids name but that persons a total loser out of any losers i met....that person crreped me out so bad that i had to run to the teacher and ask for help because he was destroying battleships on the internet playing games......like i'm dead serious.....n then like i went to this other class...n like we played muzic......n there was this person a few seats rite next to me..... the persons name is c. that person was an airhead....like we were playing sum song n like c missed a few notes so i started blaming him when i actually missed half of the song without playing....like totally....n like i called him a dumb butt cuz like it was like sooo true......n then ppl luked at me n said ur a luzer...n i waz like sooo what...at least i'm the only one that only needs to use my fingers n like ur the ones wasting ur breath for like one period

Losers all over part 1

While i was singing Bad Day by Alvin and the Chipmunks (Yes i know its by some other artist but losers don't think much).....with my friend j rite.....n like this person came out of no where n like the persons name is d n says Be quite ur such a corny lozer....N my friend n i were like no ur the luzer for calling us a lozer you weiner.....So then d gnarled at us so then we ran to class......we didn't run because he was scary......we ran because our eyes burned from the sun n we screamed..........n ran as if our lifes depended on it

Loser Quiz!

For all you losers out there, HOW LOSER ARE YOU???????: (By the way, take part in our poll!)
1. When someone calls you a loser, what do you say?
A. Weiner!
B. Whateves!
C. Love ya!
D. Were you talking to me?
2. When someone steals your lunch money, what do you do?
A. Cry
B. Laugh
C. Run
D. Stand there until it goes away.
3. Someone's wearing a pink sweater! What do you do?
A. Run and say to them arrrr matey....ur a pirate!
B. Say they are a genius.
C. Purtty colors
D. Just a color, man.
4. It's a really sad movie. What do you do?
A. Laugh
B. Cry
C. I'm outta here!
D. Do I care?
5. It's November 30th!
A. Go to school wearing that Cinderella Halloween costume!
B. Give your mom an I.O.U card.
C. Trash day! Time to clean out my room!
D. Just another ordinary day!

Results will be posted next time!

Guide To Be A Loser, Part 3 (as requested)

1. Laugh when everyone is crying.
2. Raise your hand and tell the teacher, "I hate you!"
3. Tell everyone than they're all going to die.
4. Tell the teacher that whatever he/she teaches is against your religion.
5. Print pictures of your niece.
6. Decorate your locker with crap.
7. Act like you care- ditch them at the last moment.
8. Tell everyone to drop their books at the same time. Be the only one who doesn't do it.
9. Come dressed up as Fairy Godmother. Said Halloween is a month earlier due to Global Warming.
10. When the Math teacher calls on you, write some useless garbage on the board. Pretend its authentic.

Loser Part 2

How to be the biggest loser....
1. Break up with your love
2. Start causing problems with people
3. Start attacking people out of no where as a tiger
4. Laugh at peoples faces that how you live in a box in the street.
5. You would act as a monkey and throw bananas at people

Being a Loser, Part 1

So, what does it take to be a loser?
1. You gotta be corny, buddy.
2. You have to have a style which is unappreciated and out of fashion
3. Have tons of people call you loser. Behave like a sissy when they do.
4. Use words like "omg" or "weiner" or "scaredy cat."
5. Get a blog. Talk about corny stuff.
6. Go stuff your face in a pie.
7. Get a few bullies on your back.
8. Ask the old moldy librarian out.
9. Fall in love with cheese. Carry it around.
10. Wear a shirt that says, "MONKEY PRIDE!"
11. Carry out a beanie baby.
12. Call people with pink sweaters pirates

*Loser! does not encourage you to follow this list, and all lawsuits will be filed back!! suckers!!

You're A LOSER!

When you tell someone they are a loser....Just walk away because they are dummies....if they say they are a double loser which means they are a winner.....Then just say YOUR A WEINER.......you dumb butt....